DISPOSABLE "LOVE".
POLEMIC NOTE
Hello, Alicia! All genres at us already were, except for polemic articles:-). And here were born also a note, on actual enough, unfortunately, a theme: fling, or disposable sex. I already enough for a long time collide with clauses propagandizing similar behaviour, but have this time hooked. Bitterly to think, that articles similar to the publication in MK, served by an occasion for a writing of mine articles, 15-years little fools read and " reel up on a moustache ": " Here is how the present women now behave! I shall try also! " So I think, I of a note will be reasonably useful both for young, and for a mature audience.
So, as an occasion for a writing of this article one of enough numerous recently articles devoted prelestyam flinga has served. If who does not know, that this such, I explain: this disposable copulation with the casual partner, under the plan: in ten one o'clock in the evening have got acquainted, in eleven have appeared in one bed, in seven mornings have left for ever, having exchanged tokmo phones, but even addresses. Copulation since love it to name is impossible, and the author of article emphasizes, that all harm (!) Happens from mixture of concepts. Say, do not understand babonki in what it is flinga – charm, confuse to love and do not receive full pleasure. It would be possible to disregard, certainly, – whether poorly what akhineyu it was possible to read this journalistic pearl in a life! – but me record concentration of absurds on square centimeter of the newspaper text, in addition leaving has struck with huge circulation. On adult and mature in every respect they, certainly, impressions cannot make the person; but bitterly to think, that there are the young showers perceiving similar verbalizations seriously, and is not simple seriously, and as the guide to action. So, the problem is, and a problem serious enough.
At once I wish to tell, that podnachki type « Keepers of morals anathematize its swing. In fact it does not mention soul » (further all of the citation - from article « the Sexual life of the Cinderella », MK, 5.06.2004, www.mk.ru/numbers/1114/article32376.htm) on me do not work. From blessed age when the person is capable to do nonsenses dangerous to a life only because any khitryuga has told, grinning: « And you cannot! », I for a long time have left. Equally I am not going to prove, that I not the hypocrite. To reasonable people it and so it is clear, and that who is ready to die for the sake of profit of drug-dealers or for the sake of conformity to a fashion to put experiments on own skin, to prove something senselessly, and work it is not necessary. Speech does not go at all about morals, and about elementary hygiene of human relations. But we shall listen at first to the opposite party.
So, what such good separate progressive persons find in casual copulations?
1. « Fling all has placed in the places. Henceforth women became equal in rights partners of men.
It not them throw. And they, being burnt with passion, at once warn: “ Bed — not an occasion for acquaintance! ”
2. « “ they would like, if they were solved, but they were not solved — and because of this for all life have remained unfortunate ” — there is such English saying » ….
« Good sex with the unfamiliar partner, let even we have met all once, better, than in general anything … »
3. And, at last, « … actually fling is …
“ … the Bright spot in an ordinary sexual life. it cannot be confused and forgotten with what. But it should not be too much that impressions have not grown dull, — Olga, yaraya priverzhenitsa short relations considers(counts) 29-years perevodchitsa. — I, for example, and have remained romantikom, therefore I do not trust, that fling never lasts more than one day. Marriages(spoilage) consist not only in heavens, but also in the underground. Recollect a fairy tale on the Cinderella: it in fact too on what did not hope, when has gone on royal ball. And it with prince had only one night … ”
If to reject a verbal peel among the main advantages flinga its admirers name convenience – sex without problems and without efforts, and emotional brightness. The fine stranger, the crossed sights, mutual understanding without words, rough sex in spirit « 9 and a half of weeks » – and fine memoirs for all life. That the similar approach by an intimate life gives shameful infantilism for thirty-year people, obviously. But that all is even more obvious than "advantage" flinga – frank lie.
First of all, the person not a dog, to regret this circumstance for revisionists of traditional morals. The sexual certificate(act) for it – event not only physical, but also a spiritual life to that as the bright proof the remorses so familiar to everyone who has sinned « on serve excite ». As has told the ingenious poet is no time, describing in a poem, metko named "Humiliation", the public house:
Unless this house – the house really?
Unless so it is fated between people?
It is possible to speak and write everything, but we perfectly know all, how should be between people, and that circumstance, that in a life happens everyone, not in a condition to erase this knowledge from our memory. Casual sex if brings a physiological discharge, does not solve problems of the lonely person. And it what it is necessary, but only it is not convenient.
All authors and avtoressy, greedily painting charm of disposable love, forget to mention obvious things. First, fling – business very hazardous to health. Somehow it is awkward to remind obvious things, but, probably, it is necessary: sexual the set of illnesses, including a syphilis and AIDS is by transmitted. To define on appearance of the partner, it is healthy or not – it is impossible. Hence, fling is a game in Russian roulette: will carry by or not? Besides condoms protect not from all infections. Yes, bright the spot in a life – long treatment at the venereologist can turn out. Secondly, there are no guarantees, that sex that's it with this casually met in the street by the person, will deliver not that that unearthly pleasure, but even a usual discharge. It is absolutely not known, what preferences and bents of the casual partner, let alone absolutely intimate nuances. And nobody will give guarantees, that the meeting will go under the script of the woman. Average the man is always stronger than the average woman, and with the casual girl-friend for one night of that tseremonitsya? And thirdly, in the modern criminalized world fling it is simply dangerous to a life. Whether you will go from unknown persons the man to it him, home, whether will lead it to yourself – always there is a chance, that the romantic history will come to the end with one more neopoznannym a corpse. Yours.
Actually, for the normal person on this it is possible to finish. But somehow does not leave: in fact disposable sex propagandize as an attribute "prodvinutosti", as a symbol of the modern relation to a life. Well, we shall get a grasp of confessions of its fans. Who these up-to-date women?
“ Usually, getting acquainted with decent the man, always primerivaeshsya as it will look in family cowards to whom your children will be similar, and you are terribly disappointed, when nothing turns out, — Olga speaks. — and here I have simply drunk this studentika to the bottom once, not caring about the made impression. To me was to spit, that, probably, I shall seem to it the dissolute aunt — I frankly spoke, what poses in bed like me, and conducted it there where itself I want. With the person for whom I gathered in marriage, I precisely would keep much more modestly. And here I have felt rather free, not held down foolish moral standards, maybe, because knew: this madness will not repeat any more. So what for to pretend?! ”
At once is evident, that at the girl serious psychological problems: it is clamped, zakompleksovana and thus zatsiklena on idea of marriage. Will agree, to imagine at the first meeting of the new friend in family cowards is not lovely feature of a mental warehouse, and strangeness on the verge of a pathology. Instantly try on all counter men for a role of the husband of the person unbalanced, suffering from "inferiority". Men feel it, and, naturally, are frightened, so the passionate desire to marry this girl and to it similar frighten off potential grooms. All this, however, is described in one hundred books, for a long time æåâàíî-is chewed and uninteresting. We go further. Sex in itself girl Olga considers(counts) something dirty therefore in bed with the person which opinion for it is significant, it behaves skovanno – how in its opinion the decent woman should conduct itself. And here with the casual passer on which it to spit, it can behave how it is pleasant to it, i.e. it is indecent". For the normal person the situation is directly opposite: with that whom it well knows, loves also to whom trusts, it reveals up to the end. But to reveal up to the end with favourite in sex, sex it is impossible to count something shameful.
Sometimes women understand, that with them not everything is all right. « My problem — cleanly psychological. I do not count myself as the attractive woman and consequently I escape from the man herself, after the first meeting while it in me was not disappointed more often. It so is bitter — to be thrown. When to me there were 18 years, I have left the first love and since then subconsciously I do not suppose such opportunity. And the gentlemen left by me then quite often call and insist on continuation of relations. But I think, that it of that I have humiliated them, — hardly they to me have really become attached. Though to me also delivers pleasure to feel their dependence on me. I perfectly understand this lack, but overcome it I can not. Therefore fling for me — a unique opportunity to conduct though any sexual life ».
Here and to make comments there is nothing. It is necessary to add, that all the complexes listed above and strangenesses "flingersh" keep within one short diagnosis: inability to build long relations with the man. The women rushing as in a whirlpool, in whirlpool of seductive "adventures", are not able to be anybody: neither the wife, nor a beloved, the girlfriend, even, at the worst, soderzhankoj or sozhitelnitsej. They do not have not enough confidence of to involve the one who is rather necessary to them – or there is no mind(wit) it to keep. Here also it is necessary to run on a megacity, making eyes to the right and on the left and checking just in case a treasured condom in a handbag: and suddenly today someone will peck?
And what about unique pleasure chronic neudachnits experts? And experts on behalf of « the known doctor-psychotherapist, the candidate of medical sciences » and other, strangely enough, delicately direct a shadow at a wattle fence. « The women preferring fling, it is possible to understand: today 23 % moskvichek by fifty years and have not visited never officially married. In general for last decade the psychology of inhabitants of a megacity has strongly changed. If earlier they have been focused only on long connection and, as a rule, completely opened the sexual potential only with constant partners now show the bright and sated sex already in the first evening, on peak(pique) of passion …. » « At them even internal readiness on 1—2 high-grade sexual acts, they do not want tortures and experiences which last years: “ Will call or will not call? ” And here quite convenient relations: in fact on such brief connection any woman, even the most unattractive, can persuade any the man ».
I do not know, how to you, misters, and such statement of a question seems to me extremely unpersuasive. I do not speak about strange belief, that the love and in general long relations is by all means « tortures and experiences ». Forgive for sharpness, but to the bad dancer always something stirs(prevents), and if the dear scientist seriously considers what to love it the soloist of ballet:-) means muchatsya, it too not. But the female loneliness in greater cities is the fact and if there is a problem it should be solved, and not 1-2 "high-grade" sexual acts in a month or in a year. And we shall be frank: whether will strongly raise a self-estimation zakompleksovannoj neudachnitsy consciousness of what it from time to time manages to drag in the bed of second-grade adventurers? The main harm from flinga, in my opinion, also consists that it exhausts a problem inside, aggravating it. In fact that, on logic of things, the woman at whom well similarity of high-grade private life does not appear in any way even should make? Certainly, to start to understand in the circumstances, to wonder: why so? Why I one in 25,30,35 years? Why men throw me after first two appointments?, etc., etc.
The first step to the decision of any problem is its comprehension and the formulation. Then various variants of its decision – in the same way as having diagnosed, the doctor starts to select medicines come. And the woman assuring, that are not necessary to it neither family, nor long novels, and that it suffices flinga, is simple lzhet to itself. And even if to it will carry, and it remains after all adventures is whole-is safe, it loses the main thing: time. podrygavshis five, ten, well 15 years, it will inevitably come to a gloomy conclusion: the best years are not simply spent in vain, they are spent by the silliest image. Sadly to spend a youth for the man which has not estimated(appreciated) you and has thrown; but what to spend it for people whom and persons then to not recollect? Really, the street woman in the given situation and that looks more cleverly: precisely also ruining a youth and health, it though received instead of money. And this that? Indulgent pokhlopyvanie on a shoulder umnenkikh zhurnalistochek, which never in anything similar were engaged and to be engaged do not gather?
It is characteristic, that the behaviour in Russian described above referred to long since as short, unambiguous and biting definition, and the effective word "fling" (by the way, the use of bright and obscure words – first attribute of manipulation with consciousness) has come to us from the West, « the country of sacred miracles » as Slavophile Khomyakov wrote. Well, sacred not sacred, but miracles there it is exact much :-). And not all should be borrowed miracles, if on that has gone. As has told Tatyana Tolstaya, « the worst is no time in other occasion, that we could make, - to add to the common disorder and chaos fashionable nonsense of other worlds, having accepted it for revelations of a civilization ». In my opinion, you will not tell – and not only in relation to flingu better.
ALICIA FRIDMAN (ATHENS,GREECE)
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