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IDEAL

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For the first time I have seen her close in the summer after the eighth class in an apartment of neigbour Katya. she sat in the center of the maiden company, young, harmonous and irresistable, and, smoking a cigarette, told about the ideal of the man:
   -- My principle, girls, – all or anything. If It will be, for example, young, beautiful, rich, but not too clever, It will not receive from me even a kiss. My elect should be in all dostoin me. In general, if fairly, girls, I am not assured, that here, of the Union, I can find something suitable. Well, certainly, you will tell, the national actor, or there the well-known football player or an outstanding scientist … But national actors, as a rule, already elderly, sportsmen awfully stupid, and scientific awful bores. And my ideal should be irreproachable. It is that case when not the spoon, and even a drop of tar spoil to a flank of honey. I have solved so: year for three I shall look here if nothing will turn out – I shall throw all forces on abroad.
    -- Represent, little girls, - a smoking cigarette has stood in thin fingers, big eyes have pensively directed afar, - a young, harmonous handsome man, with dark blue eyes, the sunburnt face and strong hands. To me, we shall admit(allow), 20, to him of years 25, It the billionaire … well, as a last resort the millionaire … at him the yacht, the plane and a country house on Bahamas from thirty three rooms. Having seen me, It fades with delight, and next morning all floor of hotel where I have stopped, usypan scarlet roses. I udivlenno come downstairs, and It in a white tuxedo already costs below with fading heart, and begs me to have a dinner with him at the best restaurant of city. I unwillingly agree. During a dinner It admits, that has fallen in love with me at first sight. Movie stars dream of him, the Arabian princesses and daughters of presidents, but I am necessary to him only. It begs me to become his wife … and I speak: no!
-- As, you that, agree! – with a children's spontaneity one of slushatelnits has exclaimed, and, having come round, has there and then reddened.
-- The woman never should speak "yes" too quickly, - the young beauty, - even … especially if the man to her has liked has instructively said!
That gets more dearly(expensively), it is more appreciated. I speak "was not present", but I do not deprive with him finally hope. Also three next months It climbs from a leather(skin) to achieve my attention. It gives me diamond bracelets and emerald diadems, It suits festival of a modern song where stars gather all all in my honour and sing only for me, It writes for me verses and hours stands idle under my window. But I am unshakable. With despair It falls ill. The best doctors of the world make a helpless gesture – they are powerless. And here, when his life already hangs on voloske, in reanimation there is I, in diamond bracelets, white jeans and barefoot persons with gold thongs. « I know, - I speak, - than It is sick! And I him shall take off(shall cure), only leave us together ». Everyone leave, and It looks at me a suffering look. « Alina, - speaks It, - I die of love to you! I still had few hours! » « Is not present, - I answer, - you will not die! Because I speak you « yes »! I shall marry you! »
     With happiness It there and then recovers, and we roll up wedding on three thousand person. All visitors – continuous celebrities. On me a dress, usypannoe diamonds, and as a wedding gift It presents me the lock in France. Represent, maids, own lock! We spend a honeymoon on his country house on Bahamas where we fly by own plane …
-- Here it is a life, - that little girl who advised Alina there and then has sighed to agree on the offer of the millionaire. – as in the Indian cinema.
-- But it is all dreams, - judicious Katya, - a crane in the sky has reasonably noticed!
-- At me all dreams become bylyu, - Alina has firmly told and has looked round the company. – if I something has solved, means, so it and will be.
     It is remembered, having looked narrowly to her victorious kind, a stately bearing and the beautiful face, I have felt, that I do not divide(I share) Katinogo scepticism. « Yes, at such everything will be exact, - I have told to myself, is not I! » And me it became a little sad that Alina will marry the millionaire and will live a fantastic life, and to me even to look at this life close it will not be possible.
      And it is exact, at school Alina studied in a graduation class, it is proud passed by me, not awarding even a sight, and after I have at all lost track of her, and have met later years eight. Strangely enough, she did not go in the open limousine, and modestly waited for a tram. Diamond bracelets on hands was not, the face has a little coarsened also a figure has become heavy, but the sight was all same proud and intonations so self-confident.
-- You as? Married? Who the husband? The Teacher? Also what, money suffices? – she probed me fast questions. – I yet married. I do not hurry up. It is a lot of offers, but I shall choose the most worthy. The journalist-foreign affairs specialist, director of the market or the national actor is a program-maximum. The program-minimum is more modest – It should have a apartment, the car, decent work, certainly, It should not drink, smoke, rukoprikladstvovat, swear matom, any fathers-in-law and mothers-in-law, and other relatives. Let it is not too beautiful, but it is charming, but the main thing (with inimitable grace exhaling sigaretnyj a smoke) the main thing that It understood, what this happiness – to marry me!
       I listened and is obedient noded a head, again feeling easy(light) grief from Alininogo the superiority over me. That speak, and she understands a life: has not found the millionaire so the actor or the journalist will find by all means. And I, likely, have indeed hurried, having married the first who has offered me a hand and heart … Here the tram has approached(has dropped in) and Alina has dashed away on him in siyayushchuyu a distance, gracefully having waved me a hand at parting.
     At that tram stop I could happen repeatedly, but I there more never met Alina. I have been convinced, that she goes for a drive now on a foreign car or, as a last resort, on "Volga" last model, and that a sin to conceal, any time quietly envied her; and then also has at all forgotten. It is possible to present, what my surprise when later years to five on a holiday arranged in honour of the fiftieth anniversary by ours and on which have called all graduates, me has called not strikingly dressed, but strongly made up woman in whom I not at once have learned(have found out) Alina was.
  -- I that so has changed? – with coldish surprise she has asked, approaching(suiting) to me. – you of minutes five in an emphasis looked at me and did not think at all to greet.
     Certainly, I have there and then assured her, that she has not changed at all and looks(appears) perfectly; itself has marvelled about itself. Alina not that that has grown old ( anyway, the figure has remained former, and the face was difficult for considering(examining) under a threefold layer of cosmetics), but there was absolutely another: the beginnings sutulitsya, movements have lost smoothness, in intonations of a voice there was something nervous and even as though nadtresnutoe. she has been dressed in any grey suit, can, and road, and, certainly, decent, but, first, not combined absolutely not on style with intensive raskraskoj persons(faces), and, secondly, too reminding target order of the deserved teachers. Thus it was felt, that the main changes have occured(happened) not outside, and inside, and it confirmed her importunate, shumnovataya, slightly irritating manner to behave, strongly differing former proud self-confidence. In a word, Alina was changed fine, and no wonder, that I not at once have recognized her.
     With a glass in a hand she has stuck to a small group of former schoolmates, with a contemptious half-smile listening to the confessions recovered by alcohol and not saying words while, at last, the turn is not has reached up to strongly grown fat Iry Pastukhovoj.
-- Well we live, there is nothing the god gnevit, - told Pastukhova, widely smiling and showing to all the short fingers covered by dear(expensive) rings. – Serezha my five years in the North has fulfilled, but cooperative society have bought(purchased), "Zhigulis", in a drawing room all walls in carpets … Caviar we eat, balyks, at Serezhi zavbazoj the friend so It to us and gets bananas, and « the Riga balm » …
-- And you consider(count) it as a good life? – with inexpressible irony Alina has loudly asked.
-- And what? – has not understood prostovataya Pastukhova. Alina has only sniffed also the beginnings is angry a little:
-- Unlike you and such, as you, I for a long time have understood what to do(make) the rate on material – it is silly. The main thing – sincere riches. Here at me weight of intellectual hobbies. I took a great interest in studying ezotericheskikh doctrines of the East, then drevneegipetskoj culture, and now I study(investigate) history of a theatrical suit.
-- And has in marriage left? – has asked someone, obviously wishing to pin up Alina, but at him nothing has left – she has pretent, that did not hear a malicious question, and with revival continued the story about the spiritual riches and intellectual treasures.
     So has left, that from a meeting of graduates we together with Alina went to a stop of a trolley bus, and on a way she has had time to tell a little to me and about private life.
-- The main thing in the man is an intelligence. And a corresponding(meeting) level of development. Now I have understood it. You remember, how Balzac spoke: in each trifle the people equal to us on a moral warehouse can judge us only. Recently to me one shopkeeper asked in marriage. Thought to make upon me impression the prosperity. Spoke: « You will not work for me, will sit at home and pies pekti … »
-- Well also would leave, - I have grinned.
-- My God! You same ignorant, as It! Not "pekti", and "furnace"! The furnace! But business not only in this … I am not going to turn in stryapukhu! The high-grade partner for high-grade spiritual dialogue is necessary to Me. About what it is possible to speak with the man, not read Heidegger?
I have shrugged shoulders. Really, about what?
-- The person near to whom I shall grow as the person … is necessary to me - Alina and there and then as if(as) having thought suddenly, a rapid speech has added has pensively told: -   Certainly, the drunkard or dissolved to me too it is not necessary.
      … If I would not be afraid of charge in banality by all means would tell, that time runs, throwing us on run that pleasures, sorrows. But it really runs, and to spit to me on beauty of style. For a long time the meeting of graduates was forgot, and to be betraid to memoirs there was no time: both of mine the son have gone(send) to school, the husband became the director of studies, the mother-in-law hard was ill. When she, at last, has recovered, was ill with a purulent otitis my younger. In a word, before own tridtsatipyatiletiya at me the mouth and when, leaving hospital where laid Olezhka, I have collided(faced) with any there and then apologized woman was full of efforts and she has appeared Alina, I have not found time to take an interest at all, as she now. However, and without questions all was clear.
   I have shortly told to her, that here I do(make), she has sympathized. Once the life has obviously made the proud beauty more softly and more benevolently. However, and from the beauty in her almost nothing remains. Can, joint efforts of hairdressers(barbers), cosmeticians and stylists and would possible to return to Alina though a part of former appeal, but, by the tired out hands without gloves and completely stoptannym to boots, the material basis for similar revival from ashes was not and was not expected. More soon mechanically, than really being interested, I have looked at a ring finger right Alininoj hands. Rings on a finger were not.
    Having noticed my sight, Alina has smiled is guilty (absence of a molar in the right top corner) why became appreciable and has silently told:
-- And I yet married. Something does not carry. The main thing in fact that - that the person was good, the truth?
   … That hot June afternoon I have begun voyage on shops in searches something inexpensive and decent in what it is possible to come for final evening to the senior son; but, having visited in poludyuzhine shops and peremeryav ten orders, I have felt boundless weariness. Forty five – not fifteen, pressure continually skips, and in such heat is better to lay at home with a cold compress on a forehead and the fan near by. Having seen besides, that the small arrow of hours comes nearer to two, and shops just about will close for lunch, I have decided to make a break and have sat down to have a rest on a bench in small skverike. Up to what it has pleasantly appeared to sit, having extended tired legs, in a shadow of a huge chestnut and to observe of motley crowd of the townspeople sauntering backwards-forward! Somehow at once all problems and efforts send(have departed) on the tenth plan. I shall not find a new dress, I shall go in old beige kostyumchike, the blessing, It is looked still pretty well. The main thing, that at children and the husband all is good, so, and at me it is good, and a life – complex(difficult), rough, uneasy – as at all! – in effect, it has gone right.
      From a pleasant condition of easy(light) thoughtfulness I was deduced(removed) with someone's figure which has unexpectedly arisen directly before my nose. Any full woman with short, for a long time dirty and nekrashenymi hair (dark at roots and lurid on the ends), dressed in bright cheap cloths from sekond-хенда, has risen, that refers to, above soul and persistently did not wish to leave, looking at me and silly smiling. I already wished politely to ask her to depart, as suddenly the fat woman has fussy begun to chatter:
-- It I, Alina? You Learn(you Find out)?
    At me from surprise the mouth has opened. Alina?
-- Yes, it I? Really you do not learn(you find out)?
  If it is fair – I have learned(have found out) her only on a voice. Alina has sat down, hard having flopped, and has begun to stir(chatter). I so liked to sit in tenechke and to not hurry up anywhere, that I even was delighted to her unexpected occurrence. Alina gave vent to soul, I sat and had a rest, occasionally inserting retorts.
-- How you? How children? The senior already finishes school, well done the Husband already the principal, it is necessary! And I, you represent, has in marriage left!
-- At last has found the ideal? – I have marvelled and have thought: « how many it was necessary to search for It … And who It? The millionaire? The cosmonaut? The philosopher? »
-- Yes! Also you know, where? In the court yard! I go, I look, the muzhik ownerless on a bench sits! There Was his wife was(former), zlyuchka such, has written out him from an apartment while It sat, and now on a threshold him does not start up, so It simply has no place to go. And It such good person, and so has grown fond of me, you do not represent! It now does not work, but it is temporary, while It has not recovered from a tuberculosis. But It on the house does(makes) all, if there the teapot should be put on a plate or flowers to water, and to drink does not drink, well, there, two-rub(-three) times a week so unless for the muzhik it is a doze? And what kind, time has knocked me legonko … absolutely legonko, I and have not felt, as was overslept, in a lap a pardon asked, represent? And so me loves, for March, eighth wished to present flowers, but money was not, and I speak him: what for to me your flowers, the main thing, that you at me are!
       Alina chattered, and I looked in her big eyes, the only thing that has not given in to an impact of time both have not changed, and saw in them such pleasure, such ecstasy completeness of life what was not close 30 years ago.
    Having shared happiness, Alina has left, and I continued to sit. Beside primostilis two grannies, one thickness, another is more thin, in platochke. I thought of ruthless humour of a life and did not listen attentively to their conversation as suddenly up to my hearing send in addition(have reached) words, can, because they have been told with other intonation, than all rest:
-- What muzhik, potapovna, it is eternal at you dur on mind(wit). I, recently, from pension have saved, a chocolate have bought(purchased), yes in manku her and have dismissed, such obedenie have left, palchiki will lick! Has gorged on to itself, to tea has got drunk, on the TV a comedy old has looked, and on lateral, both no muzhik and gift(for nothing) is necessary to me. The main thing that pressure did not rise, and all rest – nonsense.
-- It is exact, - has agreed potapovna and has got from a pocket paper kulek with sunflower seeds.
 

ALICIA FRIDMAN (ATHENS,GREECE)

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